Embracing Assertiveness for a Fulfilling Life

In the pursuit of harmony and avoiding conflict, many individuals adopt an easygoing attitude, putting the needs and desires of others ahead of their own. However, as the saying goes, "The price you pay for being easygoing is not getting what you want." This paradox emphasizes the importance of assertiveness and occasionally being "unreasonable" in order to lead a fulfilling life.

Greg McKeown, in his book "Essentialism," advocates for the concept of essentialism – the disciplined pursuit of less but better. One of the key tenets of essentialism is the ability to say no to non-essential activities and obligations. Being assertive and setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of this philosophy. By clearly defining priorities and learning to decline what is not aligned with our goals, we free up time and energy for the things that truly matter.

Easygoing individuals often find themselves overcommitted, taking on tasks and responsibilities that may not contribute to their overall objectives. This used to be me. It really took for me to have my child for me to start being selfish with my time. I used Butter as an excuse to avoid having those conversations altogether. “I’m a new mom. I don’t have time for anything else. Too bad if you don’t understand.” What I realize now is that I was too afraid to enforce the boundary. McKeown argues that by succumbing to the desire to please others and avoid conflict, one risks diluting their efforts and spreading themselves too thin. Assertiveness, on the other hand, allows for intentional decision-making, ensuring that time and energy are directed towards endeavors that align with personal and professional goals.

Issa Rae, acclaimed actress, writer, and producer, exemplifies the importance of assertiveness in achieving personal and professional success. In various interviews, Rae has emphasized the significance of putting oneself first and being unapologetic about pursuing individual goals. Her journey, marked by the creation and success of her hit HBO series "Insecure," is a testament to the power of asserting oneself in a world full of demands and expectations. She has followed up with a string of hits that represent Black people in all of our varying facets. I wish she would leave HBO alone but that’s a conversation for another day…

Being "unreasonable" at times, according to McKeown, is an essential component of essentialism. This does not imply irrational behavior but rather a willingness to stand firm on what truly matters. You know what that means yall - STAND ON BIDNESS! Embracing assertiveness, even if it appears uncompromising, is about prioritizing your own values and goals over societal or external expectations. By doing so, individuals can create space for their authentic selves and propel their aspirations forward. This is not selfish. It is responsible adulting.

In the professional realm, being assertive is often a distinguishing factor between those who achieve their goals and those who don't. Ask me how I know! Negotiation expert and Harvard Law School professor, Hannah Riley Bowles, argues that women, in particular, may face a "likeability penalty" when they negotiate assertively. However, she also underscores the importance of women advocating for their worth and not shying away from assertiveness in the pursuit of career objectives.

In conclusion, the price one pays for being easygoing is often the compromise of personal goals, aspirations, and well-being. By embracing assertiveness and occasionally being "unreasonable" in the pursuit of essentialism, individuals can prioritize what truly matters, create boundaries, and propel themselves towards a more fulfilling life. Drawing inspiration from Greg McKeown's "Essentialism" and the assertiveness of figures like Issa Rae, it becomes evident that asserting oneself is not only a means of self-preservation but a powerful strategy for achieving one's desired outcomes in both personal and professional spheres. I don’t know about you, but I’m done surviving. It’s time to thrive!